Beginning of the School Year & "Stage Fright" (And the Big Question... Which is Scarier?)

Plans for the 2021-2022 school year

Needless to say, this coming school year feels anything but "normal," mainly because last school year was very unusual. The effects of COVID are the main reasons for this, and even now, after re-opening and half the country being vaccinated, there are still questions that loom. Almost all of my students meet with me in person now, but whether or not to organize a recital in November/December still hangs in the air, primarily due to concerns about the Delta variant and what potential this may have for children.

Nevertheless, I've been moving forward and plan to have a recital around that time (possibly November 13th, or later), and if new recommendations arise from public safety officials, I can always have that same recital, as planned, on Zoom -- the tricky part is figuring out how I would facilitate that, since I've never held a virtual recital before.

 

De-sensitizing (Oh God, they're all looking at me!!)

I've spent the last several months thinking about performance anxiety ("stage fright") and what role this plays in my life. It's also a little bit frustrating that it may be hard to book any performances in the near future, since some people are still hesitant to gather in large groups. My experience performing in front of large groups is, in many ways, a "love-hate" experience because on the one hand it's something I really want to do, and something I'd like to continue trying. This desire stems from a simple longing to share my own compositions with others, and the joy of having that connection with the audience. On the other hand, I've been known to experience the anxiety I mentioned, which usually manifests itself with trembling hands, a "shaky" foot and dry-mouth (very typical symptoms of performance anxiety). With this in mind, I've been pondering ways that I can manage these annoying symptoms.  

I sometimes tell people that it's good to find experienced people, especially if they grant you their time to let you "pick their brains". I've been fortunate enough to do this--not to mention that I've been reading a book about a pianists' journey through stage fright--and a common suggestion is to gain more experience in "small" settings, like a group of 10 or 20 people. I've already taken action with this in mind, by sending an email to a coordinator at Enloe Hospital to see if I can volunteer to play their piano for their residents, on a volunteer basis. 

My other idea is to try and organize some kind of "performance group", or a group of friends (or acquaintances/colleagues) who would all perform a short piece of music in a small-group setting. If I were able to find like-minded people, it would be a win-win. So far I have made a list of people who might possibly be interested. The next step is to contact these people and find a place to have these small performances. 

The idea behind all of this is to "desensitize," but of course there are other methods that could possibly help me manage stage fright symptoms, which I might try as well (breathing exercises, meditation, running just before a performance, "tightening" exercises, etc.). 

More $$$ for recording equipment??

As usual, I have been making efforts to record myself and to post more YouTube videos of my songs. One of the approaches I use now is that I record myself constantly. This way, it won't seem as intimidating or scary when I play a song that I plan to post online, because I'll be "used to" the awareness of being recorded. This has actually worked quite well, and I was also blown away because I had no idea that I cursed so much.. (watching the playback videos of me practicing astounded me, as I noticed myself cursing like a sailor when making a mistake :D ). The idea is that I'll record myself so much on a regular basis, even during practice sessions, that during a "real" recording session it'll hardly even occur to me that I'm being recorded, allowing me to play more "freely" and without inhibitions. 

I still use ProTools software for my recording, which ends up with "okay" results, depending on what you compare it to. I conducted a whole series of tests this week and plan to do another series of tests in the coming days. I may have found an even more "ideal" approach, involving a medium volume level from the piano but increasing the gain on my editing software. But instead of boring people with details, I'll go right into the main issue: should I spend more money on better recording equipment? (And more time tackling the learning curve that comes with the purchase?) One way to put it is, quite simply, that I have more hours now at the Sutter County Superintendent of Schools, where I work part time (and a promise of a raise), more private students, and a significantly higher overall income than before. So I'm thinking that in the near future the answer to this question might very well be "yes". 

Only time will tell, and by that time there may be some crisp sound quality coming out of those YouTube videos... or at least I hope. 

A Concert in Spring, Reforming Instruction and Musical Allies (All Rolled Into One)

May 2021 Concert (YouTube Live)

It has been quite a while since I've performed anything, and after having more time to practice (since it's been months since my last performance) I've had the opportunity to ponder quite a bit about which pieces I want to play at my next concert. I've been avoiding setting an exact date, somewhat deliberately, because I fear that my busy schedule will keep me from practicing and that it will result in a "sub-par" performance due to lack of preparation. Nevertheless, I'm playing with the idea of doing a mid-May date, like May 15th or May 22nd (both Saturdays). In the mean time, all I have on my website is "TBD" for the time and date of the show. 

One part of this upcoming performance that I'm excited about is the fact that I've locked in the song "Autumn at Bidwell Park" as a definitely part of the list, and most likely it will be the first song. I performed it a long time ago, but this was on Facebook Live about four years ago when I was doing weekly broadcasts about my music (a series called "Piano Thor'sday"). There will probably be six songs total, and I'm delightfully surprised that I've been able to select pieces that seem to "flow" well from one song to another. As many musicians know, this involves questions like, "Should I play the next song in a minor or a major key?" "Should I play a slow song after a fast song, or vice versa?" etc. I seem to have found a good combination with the selections I chose, so maybe it's just luck :D

"Tightening the Screws" on Music Instruction

As busy as my schedule is (and always tends to be, for some reason) I was able to find time to enrich my curriculum a little bit. I've mentioned before that even though the pandemic initially caused my clientele to drop a little bit, the number of students I have has actually gone up and I've had more now than ever. This has steered me towards the need to keep better track of what each student is working on (you know, so that I don't have to ask a 7-year-old kid, "What were we working on last time?" and other embarrassing questions). 

I've been teaching music for about 10 years now, if you count all the lessons I've ever taught since I had my first student back in 2011. On a full-time basis, I'd say about four years now. I don't think I'm necessarily in a position to act like a wise "Yoda" or "Jedi Master" of music instruction, but if I were to give anyone a tip or a suggestion, it would be this: pick a "main" lesson book that you work out of, and give the students regular supplementary material to support it. This means you have a "textbook" (e.g. the Lesson Books from Faber Piano Adventures) but find other stuff that's appropriate for the student's level, such as songs from other books, other pieces, or downloads from the Internet. In the past few weeks I've been trying to be very mindful about this and it seems like it's already showing benefits. 

How to Find Musical "Allies"

It hardly needs to be said that if you're a musician -- regardless of whether you play in a band, a group of any kind, an orchestra, or if you're a soloist -- you need support. This support, of course, can be described as "moral support", as well as social, physical, financial, etc. It also shouldn't be any surprise to anyone that even with COVID-19 so widespread, musicians from all over the world are still able to connect, learn and perform by the wonderful technology of the Internet. I've recently taken even more advantage of this by joining a Facebook group called "Performing Without Fear," which is a group designed for any musician who suffers from performance anxiety (stage fright). The only "performance" I've done for this group is a video I posted of one of my originals, from my YouTube channel. I took this initial route mainly because I haven't had any time to really do a live performance. The nice thing about this, though, is that I got very generous feedback from some of the other members, including one who ended up buying my sheet music. This is just one example of why people in the music industry should always network, regardless of circumstances. 

At this point I'm looking more optimistically towards the future, especially when people are finally able to have gatherings again. This will mean more networking and, of course, more live performances and the opportunities to put on more recitals for my students. It's been almost a year since California had its first lockdown from the virus, and if this past year can go by that quickly, it only means that soon enough I'll be able to pour my soul into that piano with an actual audience. I feel very lucky that I still have these "allies" online to support me until that day comes.